This was my first poem, I wrote it on 25th March, 2005. Back then I was in school, unaware of what future had in store for me. I was an obedient student, a teacher's pet, parents' perfect child.
Struggling to find my spot in the world, I aspired to become a doctor, a career, a dream millions of Indian kids dream of, many because they really want to, many are forced to think that, this is what they want and many are molded into thinking that this is the only thing for them, if they don't achieve it they are useless. I won't divulge here what category I fell into.
Here is the short poem, with no title.
Where will my destiny make me head
This is the confusion where will I tread
Gone are the days of being in a cocoon
I pray to reach my destination soon.
I was a very ambitious kid, a very obedient daughter, everything I did was an outcome of thinking about what would make my parents proud of me. At that point of time, according to me, studying was the only way I could achieve it. There was this poem which I wrote in Hindi, a very immature poem which conveyed my feelings in a very plain way. It was more like a rhyme than a poem.
श्वेतनिशा है मेरा नाम
पढ़ना लिखना मेरा काम
मुझको ऐ मेरे भगवान्
दो इतनी बुद्धि और ज्ञान
चारों ओर हो मेरा नाम
इतना बढ़ाऊँ पापा की शान
सब दे उनको मान सम्मान
ऐसी ऊँची हो उनकी आन
My job those days was only to study, I had been putting my best to achieve my dream of becoming a doctor. I had a crush, but I swept that under the carpet, because that was something I was not even supposed to think about, my only aim should have been to study. I did take a few breaks in between my studies, in one of those breaks I wrote this poem.
Life
Life is a war
fight with vigor
Life is a journey
flow like a river
Strive hard, your toughest dream will be fulfilled
because you are not a loser
whose dreams are killed
forget those disheartening losses you have faced
Your future is now, your pride to be traced.
And another one after a few days
Dreams
When your dreams come true
you feel the pleasure
bid adieu to the days of pressure
Enjoy your bit,
but don't you forget
you have fathoms to measure
Dreaming for good
makes you happy and gay
gives your life a new reason to sway
Think of the lord and tread on the way
give your heart another chance to pray!
I was putting in my best effort for my dream, entrance exams are real business, they extract every ounce of your life. You think that you have worked the hardest and would definitely succeed, but there is always somebody who has put in more effort than you. The result of the entrance exam was one of the earliest disappointments in my life. At that point of time I had no clue that life is but a tale of disappointments, punctuated by short periods of rejoice. That disappointment, at that point was the worst for me and came out in the form of a poem. Though the poem might look very cliche, but it was my sadness written on a paper.
मेरी आशा
थी एक दिली तमन्ना
था कुछ मुझको बनना
मुर्झा गया वह सपना
कभी लगता था जो अपना
सोचा था करुँगी ऐसा
किया ना हो किसी ने वैसा
खुशियों की धारा बन, लाऊंगी नव-प्राण
बुझती हुई साँसों को , दूंगी जीवन दान
पर हो ना सका जैसा था सोचा
सोचो जैसा कब होता है वैसा ?
शायद उसने कुछ और है ठानी
पर मैंने भी कब हार है मानी
जो भी करुँगी ऐसा करुँगी
सबके जीवन को खुशियों से भरूंगी।
